Problems dating a psychologist
“Couples have problems when a partner doesn’t respond because you have now violated the contract in the relationship.” There’s good reason to believe that we treat our texts—and the phones that contain them—like we treat our relationships in general.Leora Trub, who runs the Digital Media and Psychology Lab at Pace University, has sketched this out under the framework of attachment theory, which is perhaps psychology’s best model for understanding what’s really driving our relationship dynamics.The most important relationship you can have in life, first and foremost, is always going to be the one you have with yourself.If you don’t know how to be honest and kind with yourself, how can you expect to have a good relationship with someone else?Counselling can help challenge any limiting beliefs you may be subconsciously holding onto.Working with a counsellor can help you develop a better relationship with yourself.
If their mom was dismissive of their emotions as a child, they’re liable to become disconnected from their own (and their possible partner’s) feelings in adulthood, in what’s called avoidant attachment.This quicksilver combination means that texting in relationships can be convenient but baffling. Humans are constantly sizing up one another’s behavior, and texting is a primary one through which we start making evaluations early in a relationship, says Katherine Hertlein, a psychologist at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. If it speeds up there might be questions around why, too: “Is this person all of a sudden interested,” she asks, or are they getting a little overbearing?“You have to make sure that whatever cadence you start with is a cadence that you can be comfortable with and that feels authentic for you in the moment,” she says.A 2015 Pew study found that 70 percent of smartphone users surveyed thought their phone offered them freedom, while 30 percent thought it felt like a “leash.” And in a paper published last year, also in Computers in Human Behavior, Trub found that people tend to see their phones as both a refuge—they felt safer with it and distressed without it—and as a burden—an obligation to communication that they carried with them wherever they went.Respondents scoring highly on anxious attachment measures were more likely to endorse statements like “I feel naked without my phone” or “I need my phone with me at all times,” meaning the phone was something of a security blanket keeping you close to the reassurances of the social world.